These
.jpg)
As I lay in my bed last night, tossing and turning because this whole weaning process has made me sore and engorged, I thought to myself that having children brings on a continual cycle of pain, in various degrees from intense to mild. I had brought a baby into the world almost 8 months ago, which brought with it the pain of labor and the uncertainty of the future. And, then, going backwards in time, I thought about the pain in adjusting to nursing him, in intense shots of pain up my leg during the night while pregnant with him, and then the discomfort of nausea and the constancy of puking my guts out. And that's only nino numero tres. With each baby, there have been times when pain was unbearable, or when I have had to put the comfort of my child over my own. (I'm thinking about the middle-of-the-night feedings, the willful child who refuses to nap when I'm completely exhausted, the unrelenting messes and spills and diapers, Lucy's killer scratches at my face when she's unhappy with me). It's usually not orderly, pleasant or how I've lined it out in my head to be. Basically, I am not in control and that is a hard adjustment to make. But I am getting used to it, slowly, through the mornings, afternoons and evenings. Through sleepy nighttime reassurances and water-getting. Through pausing to collect my thoughts instead of instantly tearing into my 3-year-old who has a penchant for digging in mud and tracking it into the house. Through leaky diapers, temper tantrums, dirty bathwater, crayon catastrophes, and glitter from princess shoes stuck in the floorboards and cracks around my house that I'm sure will never completely go away. And I'm sure the opposite of pain (joy) is just as intense in other moments of raising kids. Sometimes I am overwhelmed at the beauty and pure joy of this experience. I hope that I am learning to let the joyful moments sink deep enough to hold me through the painful ones. Slowly, little by little, I am (we are) making incremental progress.
3 comments:
amen.
I suppose I don't have a right to post, not having children yet and all; but your post made me think of a parallel my Institute teacher used to make- that of motherhood and the atonement. She often spoke of how giving birth has so many parallels- the giving of blood for another. Somehow, when I think of it as one of the ways I can learn to be more like Christ, the future pain seems more acceptable. There are aspects of Motherhood that scare me, but I know deep down that it is the only way that I can truly become Christ-like. I admire you, and your dear family. Thanks for letting me read your blog!
See I don't even feel like my brain has recovered enough after number 4 to write something that good. I'm glad you are around to do it.
Post a Comment