The Madness of It All
I’ve been in a funk lately. I can’t seem to get balanced: emotionally, spiritually, physically. I feel like I keep trying to do things and I can’t finish because I get interrupted. I feel like I have good intentions of being a patient mother, then I blow my top at the slightest provocation. (Lucy is now crying after I’ve put her to bed….see what I mean about interruptions? I’ll be right back)
Okay: back on track. Lucy got some water and some beans and rice while sitting on her mama’s lap.
So, I know I just had a baby two months ago, and yes, there’s a lot going on around here. But that’s just what I want to know: how much “me” time is acceptable? How much do I give to others before I go under trying to save someone else? I know man cannot live on bread alone and I’m trying to fuel my spiritual tank. I just feel like sometimes it’s never enough. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never be on top of anything because there is so much I’m trying to juggle. I also sometimes feel like no matter how good of a parent I try to be, it won’t matter in the long run because my kids are going to make choices that will hurt me.
Frankly, I’m exhausted. These night feedings are catching up to me, as is all of this holiday rush and the preparations to make this a “memorable Christmas” for my family and others.
I know every mother of toddlers deals with these things, but can I just say that if I have to get Lucy off the counter one more time, or pull a pair of scissors away from Finn (who has just cut up my To-Do list…..wait, was that a sign that I need to just throw the list away and quit trying to get “it all” done?), then I will probably have to check myself in. And, why are there all kinds of paraphernalia strewn around my house, from the kitchen into the living room? I didn’t put these things there, so why should I have to clean them up?
See, there. Now that I got it out, I feel better. It’s the enchanting time when the kids are in bed, so I better take advantage of this time to myself. I’m off. And, Mom, when I learn when all of this pays off, I’ll let you know. For now, I’m still waiting to find out.
Okay: back on track. Lucy got some water and some beans and rice while sitting on her mama’s lap.
So, I know I just had a baby two months ago, and yes, there’s a lot going on around here. But that’s just what I want to know: how much “me” time is acceptable? How much do I give to others before I go under trying to save someone else? I know man cannot live on bread alone and I’m trying to fuel my spiritual tank. I just feel like sometimes it’s never enough. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never be on top of anything because there is so much I’m trying to juggle. I also sometimes feel like no matter how good of a parent I try to be, it won’t matter in the long run because my kids are going to make choices that will hurt me.
Frankly, I’m exhausted. These night feedings are catching up to me, as is all of this holiday rush and the preparations to make this a “memorable Christmas” for my family and others.
I know every mother of toddlers deals with these things, but can I just say that if I have to get Lucy off the counter one more time, or pull a pair of scissors away from Finn (who has just cut up my To-Do list…..wait, was that a sign that I need to just throw the list away and quit trying to get “it all” done?), then I will probably have to check myself in. And, why are there all kinds of paraphernalia strewn around my house, from the kitchen into the living room? I didn’t put these things there, so why should I have to clean them up?
See, there. Now that I got it out, I feel better. It’s the enchanting time when the kids are in bed, so I better take advantage of this time to myself. I’m off. And, Mom, when I learn when all of this pays off, I’ll let you know. For now, I’m still waiting to find out.
10 comments:
i feel your pain. the lack of me time was the biggest adjustment for me going from 2 to 3 kids. With 2 kids I still managed to sneak things in (someone would nap....or we had quiet time....things seemed to calm down at some point during the day). But with the 3 I am always going, all the time, and it is always doing things for other people (mostly short demanding people that live at my house). There is rarely, if ever, a moment to myself. Today i wanted to finish watching 15 minutes of a show from the other night I had TIVOed....it took me 2 1/2 hours to watch it (due to interruptions every 2 minutes.) Just so you know, i feel your pain. The best advice a friend's mom gave me is to just lower your expectations.....waaaayyyyy down.
Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I'm don't think I have half as much on my plate as you do. Hang in there!
I felt this way after I had my second (I can't imagine what it will be like with 3!). That is about when my house started being a lot more dirty, my hair never fixed, and a table full of unfinished projects. Good luck on finding balance and hanging in there.
The bad news is that the chaos will continue but the good news is that it will get better. Don't be so hard on yourself. Let go of the stuff that seems important but really isn't and enjoy the stuff that makes you feel like YOU.
Thinking of you!
I really like this quote about Parenting:
I recognize that there are parents who, notwithstanding an outpouring of love and a diligent and faithful effort to teach them, see their children grow in a contrary manner and weep while their wayward sons and daughters willfully pursue courses of tragic consequence. For such I have great sympathy, and to them I am wont to quote the words of Ezekiel: “The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son” (Ezekiel 18:20).
But such is the exception rather than the rule. Nor does the exception justify others of us from making every effort in showing forth love, example, and correct precept in the rearing of those for whom God has given us sacred responsibility.
--Gordon B. Hinckley
Obviously you know this, but I think it’s a great quote for a reminder when you’re down, and troubled, and you need a helping hand. And nothin, no nothin is goin right.
Life will get a little easier in the future. But, in the meantime, mother by day and craft by night (and naptime). It'll make everyone happier.
Wow! You sound exactly how I did when we went from two kids to three. Brian and I both felt that it was a HUGE emotional adjustment.
I don't have any answers for you, because we still have horrible, rough days, but I can tell you that those days start to become fewer as time passes. It does get easier! And every time I call my mom to complain she tells me that it keeps getting easier. I sure hope so!
sarah. hugs for you. i have no idea what to tell you (as i haven't ever had kids). good luck!!
I haven't read the other comments, so I don't know what's already been said, but here's my two cents.
Even though Christmas is already a magical time of year, especially for kids, they aren't going to remember much because they are so young. Don't overwork yourself trying to make it really, really special. It'll be special because your family will be together. Things don't make it special, people do. I too struggle with the "Me Time" issue. I'm always trying to figure out how much time is acceptable for me to take. The best Me Time I get is the time I take when Nathan can be with the kids and I can go out of the house or seclude myself in my room or he can take the kids out to do something. I do think that Finn cutting up the To Do list meant something. A lot of times, I have to do the same thing to my own list. Eventually the items will be checked off, and the ones that don't get checked off are ones that are ALWAYS on the To Do list.
Ok so I just realized that my comment was listed as Dave Omer. I totally thought I fixed that and I guess I didn't.
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